New Year, New T-shirts

Nine new designs have been added to the Custom T-shirts collection. You can check them out via the tab at the top of the screen, or roll your eyeballs downwards towards these low resolution images here:

 

 

You could also join my six non-bot followers on Instagram and be among the first to see each new design as it drops. I hear it's what all the cool kids are doing these days.

Aunty Entity: A Mad Max Saga

 

Nefertiti Owens is known by many names - NTT to her friends, Vice Principal Owens to her colleagues, Aunty to her students. She is renowned amongst the faculty and greater community as level-headed and compassionate. When Nutbush High is one of seven sister schools chosen to send their football team on a goodwill tour of the South Pacific, Aunty is the obvious choice to lead the delegation. Two other Nutbush faculty members are quick to volunteer as chaperones - Ton Ton Tatsuhara, Music teacher and leader of the school band, and Elvis Ford, the diminutive Master of Science. 

 

Along with the full contingent of thirty Nutbush Thunderbolts comes the mentally handicapped team mascot Blaster, wearing his oversized mask with its trademark black eye and Oxford boater.

 

The tour is doomed from the start. Petrol shortages are an ever present threat, as are protest marches and the riots that follow. A terrorist attack precipitates the team's early departure from Australia, on what would be the last flight out of Sydney before the power grid collapses nationwide. A brilliant flash of light illuminates the northern skyline and the worst turbulence Aunty has ever experienced forces the pilot, Captain Walker, to set the plane down before he's even reached cruising altitude. 

 

The plane grinds to a halt atop the encroaching sand dunes beyond the city limits. The survivors split into two groups - Walker leads a group of women and children into the outback in search of the watering hole he claims to have spied from the air, while the other group, led by Aunty and her Thunderbolts, salvage what they can from the wreckage, including their team kit bags full of football gear. Aunty takes the lead as they begin the arduous journey back towards Sydney, with Mr Ford riding high on Blaster's shoulders.

 

Three blistering days into the trek, they stumble across a railway line and follow the tracks deeper into the desert. The tracks take them to a fortified farm with an onsite biogas facility, inhabited by dozens of pigs. The farm contains several working wells and a hefty supply of food for livestock. The survivors descend upon the squealing denizens of the farm. Ford, convinced that the pigs are worth more alive than dead, persuades Aunty to stop the hungry survivors and, with the help of her loyal Thunderbolts, she is able to do so. The seeds of the first law of Bartertown are planted on that day.

 

Aunty fashions her Thunderbolts into her own personal army, tasked with keeping the peace in their growing commune. They build Thunderdome in honour of their home field in Nutbush, Tennessee. It is a multipurpose venue, used to dispense information, settle disputes, and entertain the masses that are drawn to the lights produced by Ford in the cavernous biogas facility beneath the farm. 

 

Buoyed by the surrogate body of Blaster and his usefulness in the new world order, Ford becomes Master. Aunty recognises Master's confidence for exactly what it is; a challenge for rule of Bartertown. She has also grown accustomed to the vaunted position the end of the world has elevated her to, and has no desire to give it up. Aunty understands that Master's knowledge is a valuable commodity, so with the help of her closest allies, she conspires to remove the brain and dump the body. All she needs is a willing and capable assassin to complete the task. One might even go so far as to say, a hero.

Perseus, Son of Zeus: The Original Nepo Baby

In Clash of the Titans, baby Perseus and his mother Danae are locked into a wooden coffin and set adrift on the Aegean sea by Perseus' grandfather Acrisius, king of Argos. Prophecy foretold of the death of Acrisius at the hands of his daughter's son, so to prevent her from becoming pregnant, he had kept Danae prisoner at his palace with no access to potential mates. Little did he know that Zeus, king of gods and randy old perv, would seduce and impregnate Danae in the form of a "golden shower". To punish Acrisius for attempting to murder his son and baby mama, Zeus had Poseidon unleash the Kraken on Argos,  killing Acrisius and fulfilling the prophecy; albeit in a very roundabout way.

 

 

Zeus proceeded to play an integral role in young Perseus' life, bestowing on him all the perks of being the son of a god. He ensured Perseus' safe passage to Seriphos, an island paradise where mother and child could while away the hours strolling naked along the beach, working on their tans and perfecting the art of trick riding. Perseus grows up to be a young man, blessed with good looks and an over abundance of self confidence. He is also totally devoid of charisma.

 

When spiteful sea god Thetis teleports Perseus to Joppa (specifically to force him to experience some 'real world' problems), Zeus demands that the gods gift Perseus with a super sharp sword, a shiny new shield, a robot owl sidekick, and best of all, a helmet that would make its wearer invisible. Perseus doesn't waste a single moment before using said helmet to break into the bedroom of the hottest chick in town, Princess Andromeda. Andromeda has been cursed by Thetis, so that any man who wishes to marry her must first answer a question, supplied by Thetis' love spurned son Calibos. Incorrect answers win the suitor death by immolation.

 

 

Upon discovering Andromeda's predicament, Perseus uses his invisibility helmet to sneak a look at the test. This enables him to stroll into the royal palace unannounced, present Andromeda with the severed hand of her ex-boyfriend, and win the competition. Thus, he can marry Andromeda and become king of Joppa - none of which would have been possible without a sprinkle of courage, a dash of magic, and a heaping pile of nepotism.

 

At its time of release, Clash of the Titans was clearly targeted at a young demographic, despite its depictions of violence, nudity and grotesque deformities. Action figures, colouring books and a board game were amongst the merchandise that was available; however, no official trading card set was released. To see more custom made trading cards from Clash of the Titans (and a bunch of others that never existed), follow the link or hit the tab at the top of the page.

The Secret Mutant Powers of Abuela Madrigal

"Welcome to the family Madrigal."

Columbia, the turn of the century. Alma meets Pedro Madrigal and falls in love. They marry and, soon after, Alma gives birth to triplets. The War of a Thousand Days wreaks bloody havoc across the country, eventually reaching the newly wed Madrigals' once idyllic town. They flee into the mountains by candlelight and are pursued by soldiers, hellbent with murderous intent. Pedro stands his ground and is killed. In a moment of intense grief, Alma's mutant gene is activated, resulting in a firestorm that engulfs the soldiers and reduces them to dust. Using her telekinetic powers, she constructs a rocky encanto that protects the villagers from their persecutors. At the centre of this fortified sanctuary, Alma creates a casita, into which she bestows a portion of her psyche; possessing it like a ghost would a haunted house. The candle that Pedro gave Alma before his death is also transformed into a physical manifestation of her gift. Alma convinces the townspeople and her family that this 'miracle' has come from an outside source, and that the candle must be protected - through "work and dedication." During periods of inner turmoil, however, the candlelight wavers and is inevitably extinguished when Alma's carefully constructed world collapses - not from the whim of an unseen godlike benefactor, but from her own emotional state of being.

"But something inside them is growing."

When the Madrigal triplets come of age, they each exhibit supernatural powers of their own: Julieta has the ability to heal, Pepa can control the weather and Bruno is precognitive. Alma's grandchildren also develop super powers, all except for Julieta's daughter Mirabel; or so it would seem. In fact, Mirabel's powers rival those of her abuela Alma; although, for the most part, they are dormant. Without conscious effort, Mirabel can move at extraordinary speed (or slow down time) and see events before they transpire. And at the end of the film, she subsumes Alma's telekinetic abilities.

"The unspoken, invisible pain."

Alma's trauma at the loss of her husband manifests as a compulsive need for perfection, to the detriment of her family. Of her children, Pepa is the most affected by her mother's psychosis, resulting in her own bipolar condition. Bruno also bears the psychological scarring caused by an emotionally distant parent. His OCD behaviour escalates when he exiles himself after having a vision of Mirabel as the catalyst for the dysfunctional Madrigal family's breakdown. 

 

"Under the surface, I'm pretty sure I'm worthless."

Alma's grandchildren are also affected by her matriarchal tendencies; particularly Mirabel's sisters, who buckle under the constant pressure of perfection that Alma demands. Isabella lashes out at those who would undermine the facade she has created to protect herself, while Louisa's self doubt eventually inhibits her super strength, rendering her powerless. When Mirabel discovers the secret truth of the Madrigal family, that the 'miracle' is intrinsically linked to her abuela's emotions, Alma dampens the abilities of all the Madrigals in retaliation. 

 

"The miracle is you, not some gift, just you."

It's only when Alma accepts responsibility for her toxic behaviour that her family's powers are restored, and Mirabel's powers truly awaken. Mirabel suffuses the new casita with part of her own psyche, supplanting Alma as the Madrigal matriarch and securing their dominion and rule over the village for another fifty years.

Music Video: Tess

Thomas Hardy’s Tess of the d’Urbervilles was published in 1891. Mediocre film adaptations of the novel were made in 1913 and 1924, before Roman Polanski’s Tess was released in 1979 to critical acclaim. Oxford based singer songwriter Tamara Parsons-Baker recorded her own take on the rural tragedy in 2012, and that same year, I edited Polanski’s footage to Tamara’s song. Some might go so far as to say the following music video was 120 years in the making. Others might say it took a little over two weeks.

Read-Along Record: Mad Max 1979

The redback spider. The inland taipan. The blue-ringed octopus. Nothing fills us Aussie Gen X’s with more pride than the knowledge that we’re taking our lives into our own hands every time we step into a rock pool, sit on a dunny or pull on a pair of Blundstones. Unless someone mentions the last of the V8 Interceptors. Or roving bands of larrikin bikie marauders who materialise every time you pop by the local milk bar for a pack of Winnie Blues and a Chiko Roll. Then we tear open our Mambo shirts to reveal our Southern Cross tattoos and sing the unofficial Australian national anthem (‘Khe Sanh’ by Cold Chisel) in our very best voices.

If they'd ever released a Read-Along Record of George Miller's 1979 classic Mad Max, I can guarantee it would have been on heavy rotation in my house. It might have even looked a little something like this...

To see more pop culture merchandise that never existed, crack open a VB longneck and click the READ-ALONG tab at the top of the page.

Two Hands And The Manic Pixie Dream Girl Misnomer

In Two Hands, Rose Byrne plays Alex, a teenage resident of Mudgee, New South Wales. While on holiday in Sydney’s Kings Cross to visit her brother, Rocket, she meets Jimmy (Heath Ledger), who sparks her interest. Alex and Jimmy’s romance blossoms over two sweltering days in 1999 and, by the end of the film, they are jetting off to the north coast together so that Jimmy can start a new life as an apprentice boat builder to Alex’s uncle. In the space of 48 hours, Alex appears to fall in love with Jimmy, despite the fact that all she knows about him is that he is a strip club tout with aspirations of working for the local crime boss. When he’s at his lowest, she offers him hope and redemption whilst never revealing her own goals or desires. Alex displays all the hallmarks of a manic pixie dream girl, but is she? Is there more to Alex than meets the eye?

 

Do Something

While on his way to his first job for gangster Pando, Jimmy is sidetracked by Alex, who he spots outside a Backpackers with a camera slung around her neck. She takes Jimmy’s photo, and when he takes her photo in return, he asks her to ‘do something’.

 

Her response can be viewed in several ways. At first, she appears blank, expressionless. Then, as we slowly dolly in towards Alex, her lips part and she is no longer an empty vessel, but a siren. At this moment, Jimmy sees her as a potential love interest rather than merely Rocket’s little sister. But look closer. Jimmy’s 'male gaze' may reduce her to an object of desire, but what she has actually done is remove her mask, revealing a depth of sadness and vulnerability. This is a damaged person who is crying out for help. Maybe it was when she heard that Jimmy had beaten Kiwi Bob in a bare knuckle boxing match, or when she saw him carefully roll a cigarette for a burly transvestite, that she realised that here was somebody who could protect her from whatever trauma she was running from in Mudgee. Here was someone who, if nudged in the right direction, might even be willing to leave his life in Kings Cross and join her as she runs away to greener pastures.

Where Ya Goin’?

Other than the occasional quirky hobby or eccentricity, one of the defining traits of the manic pixie dream girl is a lack of information regarding their interests or background. The same can be said to be true of Alex; except that she is given the opportunity to divulge this information on two occasions and chooses not to. First, when Jimmy asks her what it’s like to live in the country during their brief chat outside the Backpackers, and second, while she is literally waiting by the phone in Rocket’s apartment for Jimmy to call her. There, she is ‘cracked onto’ by Jimmy’s co-worker Les. Les is also a strip club tout who aspires to one day being ‘in’ with Pando’s crew. Les does what all men are led to believe is the right thing to do when meeting a woman (show an interest, ask questions, be a good listener). Again, Alex is reluctant to share any personal information and, as Les isn’t blessed with looks or charm, is rejected by Alex. She prefers her men to be humble, capable and good with their hands. 

What About Tonight?

On her date with Jimmy, Alex displays genuine concern for his predicament. The only interest that Jimmy shows in her is whether or not she will call her uncle for a job interview. Alex’s suggestion that he speak to her uncle may seem like an act of benevolence, but it is actually a very subtle expression of Alex’s desire and agency. By manipulating Jimmy for her own agenda, she proves herself to be more than just a catalyst for male change. Alex may not be a manic pixie dream girl, yet her treatment by Jimmy relegates her to that role; a role that she willingly plays to get what she needs. She is his ticket out of the hole he’s dug for himself in Kings Cross, and he is the safety net she needs to start her life over in a new town.

 

Are you good with your hands? Been for a dip recently at Bondi Beach in your jocks? Done a nice job on Kiwi Bob? Then this custom design based on Heath Ledger’s tee from the final act of Two Hands might be right up your alley.

 

More obscure t-shirt designs based on popular culture from the 70s, 80s and beyond can be found by clicking the tab at the top of this page.

The Poor Cow Trilogy - A Synopsis

 

Joy was a 'Poor Cow' with a hard life. At the age of 18 she escaped her neglectful parents, only to end up married to Tom, a violent criminal. The one ray of light in an otherwise gloomy 60’s London existence came with the birth of her first child, Johnny. 

When her husband was charged in 1967 with armed robbery, Joy moved in with Tom’s accomplice, Dave Fuller. Unfortunately, the solace she achieved during this period ended when Dave was also sent to prison. Unbeknownst to Tom, Joy continued her affair with Dave despite his incarceration and, upon his release 12 years later, fell pregnant to him. Although Tom believed that the new baby, Jenny, was his own daughter, he had little interest in raising her or her brother. 

When Joy became terminally ill, Tom left the children in the care of their aunts and uncles, and after Tom's death, Dave took his place as Jenny's legitimate father with a new alias, ‘David Wilson’.

 

On several occasions, when young Jenny caught wind of her father's criminal intentions, she would threaten to call the police and turn him in. Jenny was 14 years old when Wilson inevitability returned to prison for stealing concert receipts from a Pink Floyd gig at Wembley Stadium. The cops never recovered the money, and if it weren’t for Wilson's "friends", they wouldn't have caught him either. 

 

The money was safely secreted away to an offshore account, where it continued to accumulate the interest required to finance Wilson’s retirement, false IDs, unregistered firearms and return flights to LA. Following her father's imprisonment, Jenny moved back in with her extended family. Eventually, she left London for the bright lights of Hollywood, fashioning herself as an actress with the stage name Camilla Rhodes. 

 

Times had been tough for Jenny, as they had been for her mother Joy, but with her looks, street smarts and charm, she found herself a wealthy benefactor - Terry Valentine.

 

Like Wilson, Terry's heyday was the sixties; however, instead of armed robbery, Terry made his fortune producing and promoting music. As the money began to dwindle away, Terry's security consultant Avery connected him with a powerful criminal underworld. Laundering money for the mob provided him with the capital required to keep him in the lifestyle he’d grown accustomed to. And when his young wannabe actress girlfriend Jenny wanted a role in Adam Kesher’s new movie, The Sylvia North Story, Terry’s mob connections secured it for her. 

Jenny was furious when she discovered that Terry had pulled the strings that had gotten her the part, and with the support of her acting school friend Eduardo, she confronted the mobsters at one of their warehouses downtown. There, she discovered that Terry was also involved in drug trafficking, and like she’d done to her father, she threatened to turn him in to the authorities. Terry flew into a rage and bashed her head in. To cover up Jenny’s murder, Avery and Gordon (Terry’s bodyguard), staged a car crash on Mulholland Drive. This would set in motion a series of events that would culminate in the suicide of Jenny's mentally unhinged acting friend, Diane Selwyn.

Diane moved to Hollywood with dreams of making it big. Instead, she was left to watch from the sidelines as Jenny (AKA Camilla) scored the lead role in The Sylvia North Story and was courted by the film’s big shot director. In Diane’s mind, not only was the role meant for her, but she and Camilla were in an intimate relationship. 

 

When Diane learned of Camilla’s suspicious car accident, Diane’s delusions led her to believe that she was somehow responsible for it; that she had, in fact, hired a hitman to murder Camilla. Overwhelmed by grief and guilt, Diane lay in her bed and shot herself in the face, where her body remained undiscovered for days.

The news of Jenny’s death also reached Wilson via a letter sent from Eduardo. Armed with his tools of the trade and a bottle of Old Spice, The Limey boarded a plane bound for Los Angeles. There, he would exact bloody revenge on the mobsters that Terry worked with and the bodyguard that faked Jenny’s death. But when he came face to face with Terry Valentine, Wilson could not bring himself to pull the trigger. 

 

He realised that the environment he had raised Jenny in, his various criminal pursuits and life choices, were just as responsible for Jenny’s death as the wall that had caved her skull in. Wilson returned to London, content with the knowledge that Terry was likely ruined and that his daughter could finally rest in peace.

New T-shirts Added To Collection

Do you have an overwhelming desire to declare your eclectic pop culture tastes to the world? Do you enjoy outing your closest friends and work colleagues as the philistines they are? Then these latest Repeat Viewing custom t-shirts are for you.

 

Hit the tab at the top of the screen to see the ever expanding range, or follow @repeatviewing on Instagram to see each new design as it drops. Or don't. The choice is yours.

The Poetry Of Augie March

 

I've never had an interest in poetry, nor do I profess to have any real skill in interpreting it. Despite this, I can identify and appreciate good poetry in popular culture. Who didn't, for example, go out and buy a book of William Blake's poems after watching Jim Jarmusch's Dead Man? Or trawl through Robert Browning's 'Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came' for a fix during the six year drought between Stephen King's 'The Waste Lands' and 'Wizards and Glass'? In my youth, the majority of my experiences with poetry were more prosaic. Back in 1991, I recall being tasked with analysing a poem for my Year 11 English class, and instead wrote an essay on Paul Hewson's 'Running to Stand Still' (otherwise known as Track 5 from U2's The Joshua Tree). When it comes to true poetry masquerading as song lyrics, however, nothing compares to the writing of Glenn Richards - lead singer of the Australian indie rock band Augie March.

 

Augie March's back catalogue is full of incredible music and Richards' indelible poetry. In their early days, their best songs focused on the life and musings of a twenty-something university student - 'Future Seal' (Thanks for the Memes, 1998) and 'Rich Girl' (Waltz, 1999), for instance. By the year 2000, Richards' lyrics had progressed onto more erudite topics. To pick their best songs from twenty plus years of recordings seems like an impossible (and pointless) task. Nevertheless, here are the Most Poetic Songs of Glenn Richards and Augie March.

Of Ninth Waves And Glass Hotels

In 1985, Kate Bush released her fifth studio album, Hounds of Love. Widely regarded as her best album, side A includes such chart toppers as Cloudbusting and Running Up That Hill (A Deal with God). Both tracks enjoyed multi-generational popularity; Utah Saints sampled Cloudbusting on their 1992 electronic dance hit, Something Good, while Stranger Things' excessive use of Running Up That Hill in 2022 introduced sexagenarian Kate Bush to eleven year olds the world over. Side B of Hounds of Love, a conceptual suite subtitled The Ninth Wave, remains one of her greatest achievements in a career that has spanned six decades.

 

The Ninth Wave's seven tracks tell the story of a woman lost at sea, drifting in and out of hypothermia induced sleep. She experiences dreamlike scenarios from her past and future, as well as events witnessed through the eyes of a woman on trial for witchcraft and an astronaut circling the Earth in a satellite.

Each track conjures imagery that almost begs for it to be made into a film; however, doing so would require fleshing out the protagonist's background, her relationships, the events that led to her being lost at sea, and clarification of its resolution. Simply put, it would need to answer two questions - how did she end up floating alone in the middle of the ocean, and at its conclusion, did she survive her ordeal? Emily St John Mandel's 2020 novel, The Glass Hotel, answers both questions in great detail (whether this was her intention or not).

Custom T-shirts Now Available

For those of us living outside of the UK or US, purchasing custom t-shirts from websites like Etsy and Redbubble can be an expensive endeavour. To circumvent costly shipping charges, I design and print my own t-shirts.

A variety of designs can be found by clicking on the Custom T-shirt tab, with more designs being uploaded in the very near future.

Indiana Jones And The Dunn & Duffy Circus Train

The opening scene of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is rife with callbacks and foreshadowing (what the cool kids these days call 'Easter eggs'). We witness the origin of Indiana Jones' iconic wardrobe; a wardrobe that he will, for the most part, remain faithful to for the next 60+ years of his life. Spoiler alert - the felt fedora was inexplicably gifted to him by a sweaty stranger. We find out how Indy got Harrison Ford's chin scar (freak whipping accident). But the sequence that is most meta is River Phoenix's chase along the length of the Dunn & Duffy circus train.

There are four distinct set pieces on the train:

• The first, and most obvious callback, is the House of Reptiles carriage. It is reminiscent of the Well of the Souls in Raiders of the Lost Ark, and is responsible for Indy's totally justified fear of snakes.

 

• Indy tussles with a whooping street tough on top of the next carriage, which houses a raging rhino. The rhinoceros horn protruding through the roof of the carriage and almost skewering our hero brings to mind the spike chamber in Indiana Jones Part Deux - The Temple of Doom.

 

 

• The Last Crusade's Nazi book burning parade is foreshadowed in the next carriage, the Den of Lions. Later in the film, Indy's dad will convince him to retrieve the grail diary by going to Berlin, 'into the lion's den'.

 

 

• And finally, we get an inkling of the sorry state of Indiana Jones' fourth film adventure, upon entering Doctor Fantasy's Magic Caboose. In Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Indy meets inter-dimensional, magical super beings. He also hides inside a fridge to avoid being disintegrated by an atomic blast, which is a bit like how he hid in a box to escape Doctor Fantasy's Magic Caboose.

 

M*A*S*H ft Something For Kate

M*A*S*H followed the exploits of the staff and patients at a Mobile Army Surgical Hospital during the Korean War. It was broadcast from 1972 to 1983, then continued in syndication for decades. Throughout my youth, M*A*S*H was one of a handful of shows that my entire family would gather to watch - mostly due to it being the only thing on at 7pm that was worth watching. This newspaper from 1984 can attest to that fact...

Something For Kate are an Australian alternative rock trio. Acclaimed by critics and fans alike, they have continued to release relevant and exceptional music for almost thirty years.

What does a thinly veiled anti-Vietnam War sitcom and one of the greatest Australian bands of all time have in common? Very little, unsurprisingly, except for the striking resemblance between singer Paul Dempsey and M*A*S*H's charismatic lead, Hawkeye (Alan Alda). The realisation of this got me thinking - What if the band shot a music video as if it were an episode of M*A*S*H, kind of like Weezer's 'Buddy Holly'? Instead of inserting the band members into actual footage from the show (as Weezer did with Happy Days), they could play characters from M*A*S*H. Bassist Stephanie Ashworth could be Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan, and bearded drummer Clint Hyndman would play moustachioed surgeon B.J. Hunnicutt.

Back in 2005, I pitched the idea to Something For Kate. Needless to say, I never received a response. Now, almost 20 years later, I still feel it was a missed opportunity and, as a fan, would have gotten a kick out of seeing Paul Dempsey in a Hawkeye Pierce Hawaiian shirt and cowboy hat ensemble. So, for your reading pleasure, here is my original script for a Something For Kate/M*A*S*H music video...