View-Master Mock-Up: Let it Be

Since the release of The Beatles: Get Back, there has been a renewed interest in the original version of their 1970 documentary, Let It Be. However, copies of the film have been hard to come by, and as yet, it is unavailable on any streaming service. If only this View-Master set were real, we'd at least have 21 stereoscopic images of the band to gawp at.

 

View-Master Mock-Up: Empire Of The Sun

1987 was a banner year for movies. It's easy to overlook the impact that this year had on popular culture and the film industry, especially when years like 1985 and 1994 continue to hog the metaphorical limelight. But take a look at some of the watershed moments on 1987's CV. In no specific order:

• Predator
• The Lost Boys
• Robocop
• Lethal Weapon
• Full Metal Jacket
• The Untouchables
• Raising Arizona
• The Princess Bride
• Wall Street
• Good Morning Vietnam
• Evil Dead II

And also, these:

• Can't Buy Me Love
• Mannequin
• The Running Man
• Dirty Dancing
• Spaceballs
• Near Dark
• Project X
• Some Kind of Wonderful

The list goes on and on. One particular favourite of mine is Steven Spielberg's adaptation of JG Ballard's Empire of the Sun. Check out my comparison between the novel and the film here. Or just take a quick look at this imaginary Empire of the Sun View-Master reel set that I spent far too much time designing over the past week.

More merchandise for films that never existed can be found by clicking the CUSTOM TRADING CARDS, CUSTOM READ-ALONG RECORDS and CUSTOM VIEW-MASTER tabs at the top of the page.

View-Master Mock-Up: True Romance

Let’s take a peek inside the addled mind of Clarence Worley! When he’s not imagining the late Elvis Presley is his spirit guide and greatest fan, he’s fantasising about falling in love. Spoilers ahead for Tony Scott's 1993 film, True Romance.

On the night of his birthday, Clarence fails to find a date for the Sonny Chiba Streetfighter triple feature. Alone and despondent, he spirals into a fugue state; one in which he imagines himself to be a fast talking, highly capable cold blooded killer and drug dealer.

He also manifests his greatest desire - a call girl who will not only marry him on the first night they meet, but one who also thinks that a guy who hangs out in a comic book store and waxes lyrical about 'Sgt Fury and his Howling Commandos' is cool. Alabama Whitman is Clarence’s ultimate fantasy; an unlikely mix of 70’s exploitation cinema femme fatale, manic pixie dream girl, and Sissy Spacek from Terrence Malick’s 1973 classic Badlands. Clarence dreams that even when her loyalty is tested near to the point of death, Alabama’s love for him remains true.

In this fever dream, Clarence's childhood friend and terrible actor, Dick, manages to land a role on T.J. Hooker (a television series that had already ended by 1986). Clarence fantasises about cruising around Hollywood with an Arquette by his side in a 1974 Cadillac Fleetwood Eldorado. He pictures himself impressing the producer of one of his favourite movies, 'Comin' Home in a Body Bag'. He even confronts his deadbeat dad. In this emotionally charged hallucination, Clarence imagines what it would be like to show up on his father's doorstep with a smoking hot, subservient young wife. Clarence sends Alabama out for food and beer with his own money, proving that he is a better provider than his abusive, negligent dad. He also gets to tell his father all the things he’d wished he'd said in the past, before imagining him being tortured and brutally killed.

And finally, at the conclusion of his fantasy, Clarence literally becomes the father of Elvis - all while sporting a super cool eye patch like his hero, Nick Fury.

It probably comes as no surprise that True Romance never had a View-Master reel set. If it had, it might bear a striking resemblance to this:

View-Master Mock-up: Flash Gordon

Seminal 80's sci-fi masterpiece Flash Gordon was never released as a View-Master reel set. If it was, it might have looked a little something like this...

To see more View-Master reel sets that never existed, click the VIEW-MASTER tab at the top of the page.

Hell Is Other People (And Demons): The Conceit Of Jacob's Ladder

Jacob's Ladder was released almost 30 years ago, so it would be safe to assume that if you're reading this, you've had a chance to see it. If not, spoilers ahead. The film stars Tim Robbins as Jacob, fresh from his lead performance in Erik the Viking and stand-out supporting roles in teen sex romps Fraternity Vacation and The Sure Thing. He plays an American soldier killed during the Vietnam War, with the bulk of the movie taking place in nightmarish 1970's New York City (or more specifically, in his own head as he slowly succumbs to his wounds).

Jacob is recently divorced with three children, one of whom, pre-Home Alone, post-Uncle Buck Macaulay Culkin, is dead. In his hellish fantasy, Jacob works as a postman and lives with co-worker Jezzie (short for Jezebel, a not so subtle hint as to her true nature). She is one minute caring and sympathetic, the next, passive-aggressive, nit-picky, vindictive and malicious. He is melancholic, withdrawn, and unable to express his true feelings; in other words, your typical, male/female relationship. Jacob also suffers from chronic back pain and has a tendency to throw his back out, frequently requiring the services of angelic Danny Aiello to make his waking life bearable. 

All of Jacob's post-war experiences are occurring in a sort of purgatory. He is haunted by his past and tormented by his present, his world spiralling further and further into madness. As Danny Aiello says (and sampled in the UNKLE song Rabbit in Your Headlights), “If you're frightened of dying and holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth.”

The film tries very hard to avoid the use of stereotypical representations of the afterlife and spirituality, and for the most part, succeeds. It shows us that hell can simply be the repulsive, claustrophobic presence of others and a life full of regret and dissatisfaction. On occasion, it does resort to horror movie clichés of hell: A nurse with poor customer service skills appears to have horns growing from the top of her head. A reptilian tail is glimpsed between the legs of a sleeping homeless person. Jacob's girlfriend snarls at him with demonic, black eyes. Demons with blurry or featureless faces watch Jacob from afar or stab needles into his brain.

Personally, I feel the movie could have made its point and been even more shocking in its twist ending by avoiding these tropes, and instead focused on the mundane and grotesque aspects of everyday life - the hay fever, the lactose intolerance, the stubbed toe, the unpaid overtime, the persistent cough, the loveless marriage, the keyed car. Granted, a film in which the hero has an impacted tooth or infected sore doesn't make for riveting viewing, yet these are the daily occurrences that make us question our existence and purpose in life. For the less resilient, they can be the difference between living a content, productive life or refusing to get out of bed and wallowing in your own filth.

Jacob's Ladder is a creepy thriller with imagery that will stick in your head long after the film is over. A Jacob's Ladder View-Master reel set would therefore be entirely unlikely, and completely unnecessary. So you're probably wondering why I spent my afternoon designing one? That's a very good question...

View-Master Mock-Up: Paths Of Glory

Ever wondered what Stanley Kubrick's 1957 anti-war masterpiece Paths of Glory might have looked like if it was released as a View-Master reel set? Something like this perhaps ...

More Kubrick View-Master sets can be found by clicking the VIEW-MASTER tab at the top of the page, along with a bunch of other sets that never existed.

View-Master Mock-Up: Fast Times At Ridgemont High

Scripted by Cameron Crowe and based on his book of the same name, the 1982 coming-of-age classic Fast Times at Ridgemont High never warranted a View-Master reel set. But if it did, you and every other teenage boy in the 80s might have avoided wearing out a certain scene involving Phoebe Cates and a rain machine on your VHS copy.

To see more unlikely (and entirely unnecessary) View-Master mock-ups, follow the link or click the VIEW-MASTER tab at the top of the page.

View-Master Mock-up: Taxi Driver

Between 1970 and 1981, GAF produced the Talking View-Master. This monstrosity used similar reels to the more common model, with the addition of a plastic record attached. Each time you pressed the lever to change the slide, an audio clip lasting 10 to 20 seconds would play. Unsurprisingly, the sound quality was terrible. An extensive breakdown of this and other View-Master models can be found here.

Inspired by the outlandishness of the Talking View-Master, I've created my next unlikely reel package - this time featuring Martin Scorsese's 1976 ode to urban decay, Taxi Driver.

View-Master Mock-up: A Clockwork Orange

Up next in my series of View-Master reel sets that never existed, Stanley Kubrick's 1971 film A Clockwork Orange. Again, I've tried to remain faithful to the package design of the time period.

View-Master Mock-up: Full Metal Jacket

Towards the late 80s, View-Master reel packaging became increasingly colourful and kid friendly - and this has been reflected in my latest mock-up for Stanley Kubrick's 1987 Vietnam war film, Full Metal Jacket. 

To see more Full Metal Jacket merchandise that never existed, check out this Read-Along Record.

An American Werewolf In London: View-Master Mock-up

Here is the next View-Master movie reel mock-up, this time featuring John Landis' 1981 horror/comedy, An American Werewolf in London. This film was responsible for one of my earliest celebrity crushes (Jenny Agutter), as well as instilling in me an irrational fear of opening curtains (for fear of being stabbed by a mutant Nazi monster). It's a shame this View-Master set never existed - if it had, I could have desensitised myself to cinematic gore and violence from a much earlier age.

Stanley Kubrick's The Shining: Now Available in 3D!

Long before James Cameron reinvigorated the film and panel van airbrushing industry with his 2009 Sam Worthington vehicle Avatar, kids could hold a chunk of carcinogenic red plastic to their eyeballs and experience exactly what it must be like if everything was cut out of cardboard and positioned slightly apart from everything else. 

The View-Master was introduced in 1939, to a pre-war general populace who were clambering for stereoscopic images of tourist attractions. By 1981, it was standard fare in every child's toy box, with a variety of film and television licensed products available for purchase. These included you're typical 80s blockbusters, such as E.T. The Extra Terrestrial, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Jaws 3D, and The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension. A complete list of all available titles can be found at The View-Master Ultimate Reel List.

Although View-Master reels had, for many years, been designed specifically for an adult market, by the early 80s the target audience was predominately children - which is why we never saw the films of Stanley Kubrick released as a View-Master reel set. I am slowly rectifying this oversight with the first of a series of adult-centric View-Master mock-ups, beginning with the 1980 horror classic, The Shining.