Eyes Wide Shut: Masterpiece Or Meh?

I’m rarely confounded by a film, yet Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut confounds me. In the twenty years since its release, I’ve watched it a thousand times; not because I like it, but because I still don’t know if I like it. Is it a work of genius, the culmination of a lifetime of obsessive research by history’s greatest film-maker? Is it a rumination on the masks we wear, itself masquerading its meaning behind layers and layers of inscrutable detail? Or is it the last ditch effort of a pervey old man to stare at some boobs? 

We've heard it all before: Eyes Wide Shut set the Guinness World Record for the longest film shoot of all time. Stanley Kubrick required his actors to perform take after take of inconsequential actions, so much so that Harvey Keitel quit and Tom Cruise developed a stomach ulcer.* Kubrick literally worked himself to death, suffering a major heart attack only days after completing his final cut of the film. Considering the time, money and energy that went into the making of Eyes Wide Shut, it's impossible to watch the film without regularly pondering the following question: What the hell is going on?

Other questions might include:
- How come no-one in this film seems to know how to act? 

- Why does New York City look so fake?
- Is the orgy supposed to be erotic, suspenseful or lame?

Let’s discuss.